Body talks_1

All things happen not at random. They are the result of the past.

I have long been conscious about the existence of my body. I have always been since middle-school. When I looked into the mirror I was ashamed of the pimples that spread over my face and made me looked ugly. When I grew older, I started noticing the change of my breast, of their growing out of my control, along with menstruation from the age of 13, then I started to realize that I was stepping into a new phase of life into womanhood.

I didn’t treat and take care of my body very well in my early womanhood, from time to time I would fall into a deep hole of sadness and loss that I was skeptical of my own being, the very essence of life and existence. When looking back, I guess all these was the result of my ignorance of how this machine, name it as the body, was working.

It was until I got rid of the darkest phase of my life that I had built up a very deep attachment to it. It was not my physical body I acknowledged, for this had happened as soon as I started to work out in the gym, but my physical and emotional body united as a whole (thanks to yoga). There can never be any separation of them as they are the reflection of one another- neither of them can exist without the other. In English, when 2 people say to each other, “we have a connection”, it implies not only the physical (romance) side, but also the connection between their mind and heart.

I have a connection with my body which is as deep as being in love with her. She is the reflection of my heart and a place for me to rest and nurture. When I hold my hands I feel the pleasure of touch; I caress it in the expression of love and care. It feels pain when I am dismayed and sad, it feels light and strong when I am caring and optimistic. It is the way we communicate, as intimately as making love of 2 lovers. The awareness of its existence sometimes makes me broody and obsessed, that sometimes I just can’t bear to look at it withering with ages unless they would cause no sadness in my mind.